Ambitious Paradox

I went to the Michigan Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (MAMFT) Annual Conference today. The keynote speaker was Dr. Kenneth Hardy of Syracuse University. The topic was “Working Effectively with Adolescents in Families of Color”. It was the best workshop/discussion about multiculturalism, race, and institutional racism that I have ever heard.

What I appreciated was his candor and ability to accurately convey to a predominately white, middle class audience that racism and general prejudice are still very pervasive throughout our culture. Perhaps more importantly, he helped me understand the subtle, innocent ways that even I participate in the perpetuation of racism. This is very difficult for me to understand because I am in a cultural position of power. I am a white, middle-class, Protestant, straight male, which means that the existing societal structure was created and is largely maintained by people just like me. But I walked away from the conference with something very different than “liberal guilt” which most people assume should be the primary react of those in the majority. Rather, I left with a much better understanding of how people of other cultures see me as a privileged male, which is the first step to open dialogue.

So here are a few of the most important points that I took away from Dr. Hardy’s lecture:

1. Saying the wrong thing about race and multiculturalism is better than saying nothing at all. At least when we say the wrong things, it has the opportunity to open dialogue about race and differences. Staying silent for fear of “saying the wrong thing” only breeds further misunderstanding.
2. It is more important for me to understand the perspective of others than vice versa. This is because my intentions are irrelevant to everyone but me. All that matters is how my speech and actions are received by others. If I did not properly convey my intentions, then it is my responsibility to restate in a more accurate manner.
3. People in the minority know more about my culture than I know about theirs. Yet, we often put the responsibility on them to teach us, rather than on ourselves to learn. One example given was from a Pakistani woman who said that most people in the room would not be able to spell or accurately pronounce her name. Yet she could probably accurately pronounce and spell most of the European names in the room. Although no one tested her, we all knew that she was likely correct.
4. There are four aggravating factors that effect adolescents’ propensity to act out. The first and most damaging of these factors is a process of devaluation, which is the process by which an individual or group is steadily stripped of the essential elements of humanity and unique, valuable perspective. It is essentially the loss of one’s voice of influence in the larger ecosystem.
5. The Process of devaluation immediately leads the person of color to begin valuing respect over life. If their lives have no value, as society tells them, then they will make respect the ultimate prize to be protected and avenged if necessary. This is what leads a person to shoot another person for disrespecting.
6. People in power are usually innocently oblivious of the ways that they walk over those below them, devaluing the identities and culture of the others. Those in power make the decisions and are often moving too fast to notice the toes that they stomp on.

With this understanding, it becomes clearer why so many Middle Eastern Muslims have rage at Americans. Americans are in a position of unequalled global power. We have not entered into the kind of dialogue that facilitates collaboration. Instead, we have allowed the process of devaluation to create a culture in the world that has its back against the wall. They have gotten the message that their lives are not valued, and so they will insist on respect. We have had no dialogue with them, and we have expected the world to adhere to our culture, without bothering to learn or respect theirs.

This is not a justification for the violence that a few Muslims carry out. There is no justification for that. Rather, it is an explanation. It is a way for us, as people of power and privilege, to understand the context of their rage. This is not a way to blame America for the events of September 11. Rather, it is a way to understand how we can begin to heal, learn lessons, and prevent this from happening again. Until we open dialogue with those who’s culture has been devalued and begin to learn how our messages are received, terrorism will continue to be a problem in the world. As that dialogue begins, however, we will enter into a world that may be awkward at first but closer to a reality of multicultural cooperation.